The world is a scary place right now, and there is so much uncertainty. Even before this crisis started, I would have said that the best thing I did for myself this year was going back to therapy. But, now I’m even more glad that I did.
Even though we’ve made great strides in prioritizing mental health and normalizing therapy, I think there’s still a stigma around it. Some people still think that going to therapy and asking for help makes you weak. But, if you’ve been through therapy, you know that it actually takes a lot of strength and courage. I just finished reading Lori Gottlieb’s “Maybe I Should Talk to Someone,” and one of the excerpts that really resonated with me was the following:
“Therapy elicits odd reactions because, in a way, it’s like pornography. Both involve a kind of nudity. Both have the potential to thrill. And both have millions of users, most of whom keep their use private. Though statisticians have attempted to quantify the number of people in therapy, their results are thought to be skewed because many people who go to therapy choose not to admit it.”
And with that in mind, I want to share my therapy story. The first time I went to therapy was more than a decade ago when my parents were getting divorced. Even though it felt like my entire life got turned upside down, I was very resistant to seeing a therapist. I finally gave in when my mom said she would go with me to the first session, but I mostly did it for her. I’ve always been someone who worried a lot about other people’s feelings, but tended to keep my own to myself. It was tough for me to open up to a complete stranger and talk about something so raw. But, at that particular point in my life, I really needed it, so I’m glad my mom pushed me.
When Rob and I moved in together in the city, I couldn’t go to Long Island every week for therapy. My first priority was making sure I could keep taking my anti-anxiety medicine, so I found someone who could do that. But, something was missing, and after a few years, I decided I wanted more from a mental health professional than just a prescription.
I honestly don’t remember how I found my next therapist. I saw her for a couple of years, but ultimately realized that her style wasn’t for me. She was pretty old school and would just sit there and wait for me to talk. As an introvert, this approach didn’t really work for me. It was too easy for me to retreat inward and I was getting frustrated. So eventually, I told her I was done and just gave up.
After that experience, there were plenty of times when I was struggling, but I was afraid that I would just have the same problem with the next person. It’s hard to ask people for recommendations because some people don’t want to discuss it, and everyone needs something different from a therapist. Then late last year, I read about a company called Alma in the Girls’ Night In newsletter.
Alma calls itself “a community of therapists, coaches, and wellness professionals empowered with tools for better care.” Not only do they empower the mental health professionals who are part of their network, but potential patients too. Alma’s directory of providers is more than just contact information. They interview each one about why they chose a career in mental health, their specialities, and their approach to therapy.
The truth is that spilling your guts to someone and sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings is scary in and of itself. The idea that we just go in and do that without knowing anything about this person is kind of crazy. So, the ability to see someone’s face, read about their approach, and why they do what they do is incredibly valuable. I found someone who gets me and for the first time is helping me work through some things that I haven’t been able to tackle on my own. She’s giving me valuable perspective on myself and how certain parts of my life have shaped who I am, but also how I’ve been holding myself back.
Another excerpt from Lori Gottlieb’s book that really stuck with me: “…therapy is about understanding the self that you are. But part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself—to let go of the limiting stories you’ve told yourself about who you are so that you aren’t trapped by them, so you can live your life and not the story you’ve been telling yourself about your life.”
I’ll be sharing more about this book in my next book review post, but I highly recommend it, whether you’ve been in therapy or not. I also want to encourage you to explore therapy at this time of incredible uncertainty. Many therapists are offering remote sessions, and although it’s not the same as sitting in the same space, it’s still incredibly valuable. The way I see it is that therapy is another form of self-care. You are investing in yourself and your mental health, which will pay dividends for the rest of your life. Check out Alma’s directory if you need help finding the right person for you, and feel free to reach out to me if you want to talk about the therapy experience more.
